Fancy Ketchup (“Squirt in Mouth and Just Add Fries!”)

Does anyone like those ketchup packets that they hand out at delis and fast food places?

Wall Street Journal wrote yesterday about this, and a new one that Heinz will be coming out with to improve on the ketchup packet design (excerpt below):

Some people rip off the corner of the packet with their teeth. Others, while driving, squirt the ketchup directly into their mouth, then add fries… After observing these and other “compensating behaviors,” H. J. Heinz Co. says it spent three years developing a better ketchup packet.

Heinz says the new “Dip and Squeeze” packets will begin replacing the traditional rectangular ketchup packets later this year…

Squirt ketchup in mouth, add fries… now that is a neat trick, will need to try this.

It all kind of reminds me of a comedy routine that Jim Gaffigan, one of my favorite comics, did on the subject.  Gaffigan is great, he has a very dry delivery and can make topics ranging from Hot Pockets, to ketchup to bowling and escalators outrageously funny.  Here is the text of Jim’s riff on ketchup packets:

I do wish I was there when they decided on the size of those ketchup packets; I am not saying I need a gallon but maybe enough for more than one fry!

I always end up opening 20, I look like a heroin addict. “I’m gonna party once I get set up here!”
 
Does anyone ever use just one ketchup packet? “Do you have 1/2 of a quarter of an ounce of Ketchup? It’s just so darn rich.  I need a resealable packet.  One that I can store in my purse!”
 
They always give you three packets… and when you go back up and ask for more, the guy handing them out always treats you like you’re taking from his personal stash: “Hmmm, looks like my kids aren’t having ketchup tonight!  Enjoy, ketchup glutton!”
 
Sometimes printed on the ketchup packet it will say “Not for resale” I didn’t even know that was an issue… I’ve been to a lot of flea markets, no ketchup packets!  You know, if you’re in a position where you have to sell ketchup packets, I don’t think that’s going to hold you back.
If you’re lucky, you’ll get a ketchup packet that’s labeled “Fancy Ketchup”  Ketchup, you’re being modest, you’re way more than fancy, you’re elegant!
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